It has been a while since I have posted, there have been therapy sessions, and arguments and acts of service, contrition, trying to get normal in this abnormal existence…trying to find love in anger and hurt. There are times when I am sufficiently distracted where I am able to find pure joy, and a good … More Rings and Things
Not a red-letter week for me. Therapy, audio books, self-talk, none of it seems to be resonating or sticking, am I and my marriage doomed? I have been going over my feelings about deception. H has been trying his best to right this horrible wrong and for some reason, none of it is making a … More In search of hope, finding darkness
Its tough love day for me. I quit smoking two days ago…I have been feeling depressed to some largish degree about the enormity of the emotional waves I have been crashing around in and my response HAS to be, pull your fucking socks up and get on with it! The easiness of wallowing, ruminating, revenge fantasying, … More Pull up your fucking socks….
Each day is full of emotional surprises and realizations about who I am, who he is, and what we are capable of. I find myself taking on a rumination, or barrier in a moment in time and trying to do battle with it until it can be laid to rest. They run the gamut from … More With each day…
Obsessing is impossible to prevent at times. No matter how strong-minded or independent we may think we are, even at the most insignificant level, we are tied to our spouses. Tonite I had a shower, simple right? I have showered every day since D-day. As I stepped out and dried myself off, there it was, … More Tonight I had a shower…..
I have been having sad thoughts (and dreams) the last many days (weeks actually). In the wake of our recent therapy, and advice to start to do things together, I have been struggling with the unfairness of my husbands cheating and I cannot seem to put it to bed. I think about how cold and … More Esther Perel – Why is divorce more acceptable than infidelity?
I am finding taking forward steps difficult this week. I realize there is only so long you can coast on the drama of the damage before you have to start taking the inevitable path to a better place. Dr H told me I am hanging on to the events in order to protect myself from … More Impossible Steps Forward
Its been a little over two months and I am still swirling the drain most days not the entire day but good portions. There is that nagging feeling that moving forward just allows all parties involved in cheating to “get away with it”. I know that this is not a rational thought, and Savingshards, pointed … More Can I do this?
Delicate subject. Why is the hot and steamy we have when we first meet seemingly impossible to maintain? I speak with my married, separated and divorced friends about this often. For one betrayed pal of mine, the sex remained, if not hot, at least good. She would often say “I have a young husband at … More From Hot to NOT
Forgiveness has been haunting me this week. It’s too soon to say I can give it but oh how I wish I could. My H has been working hard to restore my trust and repair (possible?) the damage he has done. Voluntary GPS tracking on his phone, therapy for his issues, I am in therapy … More This business of Forgiveness