Can I just start by saying FLASHBACKS SUCK! Have recently read another excellent post by Saving Shards and gosh…I know I have said it before but as much as we are all different….we are the same. I have had many flashbacks in the last few weeks. I guess the complete and utter despair of my father’s illness … More Flash Backs and Justice
Catching where I left off on my first post, H and I separated and continued to try therapy. Had I known I would be spending thousands of dollars, hours of crying, and so much circle talking with someone who was cheating I would never have done it. Funny thing about labouring under a misconception….it just … More My story continued……
I have not written for some time. My father died in April and I am reeling. Reeling from the months of watching him suffer and try to avoid the inevitable end. He was full of life and not wanting or ready to go in any way. I cared for him in every way, I’m reeling … More Soon it will be a year
In therapy we have had to discuss our sex life, hard task. I have always maintained that I am not a prude, always enjoyed sex and have had a wonderful and active past. My H maintains that one of his reasons for cheating is that our sex life had come to a halt. Wait a … More Sustained passion in Marriage -who is responsible and now what?
I often look at my H and feel he is a very familiar stranger. I guess the fact that I thought I knew him so well prior to his cheating was more fairytale I had made up for myself than fact. There was a mix of innocence and ignorance in my thinking. There is so … More Familiar Stranger -Forever?
I have been wondering much about love, not just recently but since April 2013 when my H suddenly and shockingly announced he was unsure he wanted to be married. Up until that time, I thought honestly I knew love, could tell if I was loved, could bank my future on love. Once the bond of … More What is Love Anyways
It has been a while since I have posted, there have been therapy sessions, and arguments and acts of service, contrition, trying to get normal in this abnormal existence…trying to find love in anger and hurt. There are times when I am sufficiently distracted where I am able to find pure joy, and a good … More Rings and Things
Not a red-letter week for me. Therapy, audio books, self-talk, none of it seems to be resonating or sticking, am I and my marriage doomed? I have been going over my feelings about deception. H has been trying his best to right this horrible wrong and for some reason, none of it is making a … More In search of hope, finding darkness
Its tough love day for me. I quit smoking two days ago…I have been feeling depressed to some largish degree about the enormity of the emotional waves I have been crashing around in and my response HAS to be, pull your fucking socks up and get on with it! The easiness of wallowing, ruminating, revenge fantasying, … More Pull up your fucking socks….
Each day is full of emotional surprises and realizations about who I am, who he is, and what we are capable of. I find myself taking on a rumination, or barrier in a moment in time and trying to do battle with it until it can be laid to rest. They run the gamut from … More With each day…