I have not written for some time. My father died in April and I am reeling. Reeling from the months of watching him suffer and try to avoid the inevitable end. He was full of life and not wanting or ready to go in any way. I cared for him in every way, I’m reeling … More Soon it will be a year
In therapy we have had to discuss our sex life, hard task. I have always maintained that I am not a prude, always enjoyed sex and have had a wonderful and active past. My H maintains that one of his reasons for cheating is that our sex life had come to a halt. Wait a … More Sustained passion in Marriage -who is responsible and now what?
I often look at my H and feel he is a very familiar stranger. I guess the fact that I thought I knew him so well prior to his cheating was more fairytale I had made up for myself than fact. There was a mix of innocence and ignorance in my thinking. There is so … More Familiar Stranger -Forever?
I have been wondering much about love, not just recently but since April 2013 when my H suddenly and shockingly announced he was unsure he wanted to be married. Up until that time, I thought honestly I knew love, could tell if I was loved, could bank my future on love. Once the bond of … More What is Love Anyways
It has been a while since I have posted, there have been therapy sessions, and arguments and acts of service, contrition, trying to get normal in this abnormal existence…trying to find love in anger and hurt. There are times when I am sufficiently distracted where I am able to find pure joy, and a good … More Rings and Things
Not a red-letter week for me. Therapy, audio books, self-talk, none of it seems to be resonating or sticking, am I and my marriage doomed? I have been going over my feelings about deception. H has been trying his best to right this horrible wrong and for some reason, none of it is making a … More In search of hope, finding darkness
Its tough love day for me. I quit smoking two days ago…I have been feeling depressed to some largish degree about the enormity of the emotional waves I have been crashing around in and my response HAS to be, pull your fucking socks up and get on with it! The easiness of wallowing, ruminating, revenge fantasying, … More Pull up your fucking socks….
Each day is full of emotional surprises and realizations about who I am, who he is, and what we are capable of. I find myself taking on a rumination, or barrier in a moment in time and trying to do battle with it until it can be laid to rest. They run the gamut from … More With each day…
Obsessing is impossible to prevent at times. No matter how strong-minded or independent we may think we are, even at the most insignificant level, we are tied to our spouses. Tonite I had a shower, simple right? I have showered every day since D-day. As I stepped out and dried myself off, there it was, … More Tonight I had a shower…..
I have been having sad thoughts (and dreams) the last many days (weeks actually). In the wake of our recent therapy, and advice to start to do things together, I have been struggling with the unfairness of my husbands cheating and I cannot seem to put it to bed. I think about how cold and … More Esther Perel – Why is divorce more acceptable than infidelity?